Friday, November 6, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

The Barbell Matrix (high intensity toning & calorie burning exercise)

Posted: 05 Nov 2009 10:00 PM PST

Some time ago in October I bragged about being able to squat with a 95 lbs barbell across my shoulders while working out and the always witty Marinka commented, "Would it be too much to ask for your gym to release multi-angle footage of your sitting there eating Nutella out of the jar instead of doing those 90 pound things?"  So you can place all the blame for my last workout video and this one, on Marinka.

 

Again, just like the last exercise, what I am about to share with you is a two minute combination of movements (this time with a medium weight barbell) that you repeat three times. When done correctly with an experienced trainer by your side, your six minutes of barbell exercises will burn more calories than one hour on the treadmill. It will get your heart pumping and seriously leave you breathless. Turn down the volume if you are easily offended by PG-13 language.  You can blame Metalia for that as I copied her awesome workout playlist weeks ago.

 

{source} [[object width="400" height="227"]][[param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /]][[param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /]][[param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=7464520&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=e65aa0&fullscreen=1" /]][[embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=7464520&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=e65aa0&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="227"]][[/embed]][[/object]][[p]][[a href="http://vimeo.com/7464520"]]OHmommy workout video #2[[/a]] from [[a href="http://vimeo.com/classychaos"]]OHmommy[[/a]] on [[a href="http://vimeo.com"]]Vimeo[[/a]].[[/p] {/source}

 

 

1.  Deadlift (bent knees & more of a squat) x 5

2.  Romanian deadlift (super tight back & no squat) x 5

3.  Bent over row x 5

4.  Power clean to low squat to push press x 5

5.  Back squat x 5

 

Allow yourself no more then a one minute break and repeat the steps above for a total of three times.  Happy pumping!  If you are in the Cleveland area and want an incredible one hour workout that will burn calories for 24 hours you can contact markaderry at yahoo dot com and tell him OHmommy sent you.

 

FTC disclosure:  I have not been paid or given anything in exchange for this post.  I'm simply sharing my knowledge with you, my friends, and the FTC and suck my big sweaty toe.
Posted by anbu at 5:28 PM 0 comments

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

Not meant to be a SAHM junior leaguer...

Posted: 04 Nov 2009 10:00 PM PST

I see Maureen at least a dozen times each day.

 

The moment the bus carries her four sons off to school she hits the sidewalk to accompany the flock of neighbors walking their dogs in the morning, observing the sleepy suburban street.  Before my breakfast, her Yukon is loaded with cardboard boxes containing the latest project for the school district and/or non-profit organization. We drive by each other, offering the cordial neighborhood wave, no less then three times in the afternoon each towing our children onto their next activities. In the evening Maureen engages in conversation with her two high school sons as they pass the lacrosse ball between each other on the sidewalk. I've peeked inside a coffee shop and witnessed her brilliant smile entertain her girlfriends, in tennis whites. At church her pew is silent pretty sure she feeds everyone a very good breakfast and her well groomed children are attentive.

 

It's difficult not to notice Maureen. Everything about her is perfect. I say this not out of intense jealousy, but out of self reflection. Maureen was that cheerleader in high school. That sorority girl in college. And now that stay-at-home mother that everyone gravitates towards and tries to emulate because she's really really really just that nice and perfect.

 

I wanted to be a cheerleader and than got over it. I wanted to be a sorority girl and than got over it. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and now, after nearly eight years at home, I think I am kinda-of over it.  Maureen was born to be a stay-at-home mother. I'm not so sure I was born to complete a life sentence as a SAHM.  (Gah. Why does one even need to emphasize the "I" in a post these days?  The emphasis was put there to stress the importance of my opinion and not at all insinuating that being a SAHM is a something to "get over")

 

I am not going to link to any one of the hundreds entries I have stored away in my archives to prove to you that I've truly enjoyed the precious time I've spent with my incredible children whom are full of life because prepare yourselves for the most shocking revelation I am about to admit when I am not poking fun of my classy chaos motherly mishaps... I try to capture the beauty of raising children while staying at home only to convince myself that I love it.  And I do.  Most of the times. Some of the times it feels unfulfilling.  More so now that two out of my three children are in school full time and the toddler is so bored with me she reverts to playing with the cat or dog.  I find myself unable to envision a childless day-time home, collecting mileage on my extra large vehicle for more years to come.  I can't see myself as a Maureen. 

 

I want things!  Beautiful shiny things for myself.  Me.  Moi.  Selfish things...

 

Like challenges!  Conversations!!  Deadlines!!!  World Peace!!!!  All the things I can get from the Junior League that Maureen fills her empty time slots with doing perfectly; dedicating her time not only to her children but also to the food-banks of Cleveland for the month of November.  I could/should pretend to be a cheerleader for another year or so but this is the year that I pay off my college loans from my Master's degree and I no longer want to post pathetic webcam shots online for the world to see, out of sheer boredom, exclaiming...

 

Yay, me!  Look.  "This is my volunteering on Election day in Kindergarten outfit. Hoping it's politically correct & party neutral." From twitpic.

Photo_66

 

Gawd.  There's so much more I can do.  I honestly believe I can contribute to great things in the corporate world and be a good mother.  I am super passionate, extremely hard working, uber driven, obsessive compulsive in the hunt for perfection and desperately need (at this point in my life) to find some shiny things to focus on besides my children.  Does that sound like a plea?  Good.  Than it is and I hope they are reading.  Eight wonderful, incredible, spectacular years of staying at home and I am ready for something more.

 

 

But.  Where does a SAHM in dire straights even begin?  Who are my references?  My credentials?  My job experiences?  Although I would never trade my years at home, they have certainly changed the look of my once quite impressive resume.  Where do I go from here?
Posted by anbu at 5:57 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

Driving me (in)sane

Posted: 02 Nov 2009 10:00 PM PST

I cursed when I found out that our school district reconfigured our afternoon bus route in August, confining my two small children to the social graces of gigantic third-graders for well over an hour on the way home.  I shook with fear when I assumed the bus missed our stop with my precious cargo still inside.  I took matters in my own hands and voila my children were labeled as "pick-ups."  I was bitter.

 

It was a nightmare as I frequently ran late, either awakening my toddler from her nap or begging her to close her eyes in the car.  We spent more time together as mother with children inside the minivan than in our home.  Sad, I know; but the truth indeed, as everyone runs off to their corners of our massive abode upon arrival home.  The drama inside the van!  The whining!!  The arguing!!!  All while in 350 or so cubic square feet of an entry level cloth-interior Honda.  Fifty days later I realize it's like a blessing in disguise.  Every afternoon I observe my children interact with their peers while I wait in line, I glance in the rear view mirror to ask them about their day, and each day we transport ourselves far away from the country road home to a magical place.

 

"Look to the left, that empty field is like a meadow in Indiana.  If you look think hard enough you can almost see a group of cows grazing on grass.  Look.... "  Three heads turn to the left.

 

"On the right is a rest stop along the busy high way."  I point to the gas station on the way home from school.  "The parking lot is full of cars with different licence plates and people are rushing to their next destination.  Where are they going?"

 

"We are driving close to the train tracks.  Hold on tight!"  I smile as we go over the pot holes and the kids sit upright in their seats in tune with my imagination.

 

"Getting closer now, much closer to Chicago.  I can see enormous buildings scrapping the sky and reaching the clouds."  I point out how the hundred-year-old trees stand tall in the forest resembling a jungle of city buildings.

 

 

And so on. My tall tales capture their imaginations and temporarily silence their cries of boredom.  Yesterday the mundane ride home turned into a re-cap of our adventures in Poland.  Each house became an apartment complex and the sprawling estate on the corner of a nearby street became the Malbork castle.  The week before, Lola took center stage imagining that the bridge over the shallow country river was in-fact the bridge into Manhattan and suddenly my minivan turned into a yellow cab in which I interviewed them in.  "Welcome to my cab.  What's your name?"  They giggled.  The only proof I have of the silliness is what I tucked away in my pocket to pull out when they are older.

 

I am sure *this* precious time won't last forever (their "must-have" holiday item is the ipod) and that's why I'm bottling *this* up for myself tonight.  I will dip my toes into this magical memory when all three of them are ignoring me for the text messages on their phones.  Because, duh, I will soooooo be driving them to their senior year at Cleveland Country High.  Where they will be labeled as "pick-ups."
Posted by anbu at 6:15 PM 0 comments

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

An apology to the 3rd child on Halloween day

Posted: 31 Oct 2009 08:05 PM PDT

Dearest child,

 

Tonight I can not remember for the life of me what you were dressed as, on your first Halloween.  I would check your baby book/photo album for an answer; but, they haven't been updated since you were born.  I have spent way too much time searching through my online photo albums weeding through photos to find an answer.  I feel terrible.  Horrible, actually.

 

On your second Halloween, you were a mermaid.  I know this because I remember attending the county wide garage sale alone with you as a toddling 18-month-old when I found the semi-torn costume and held it up for you to see, pushing aside the dangling $0.50 price tag, you giggled "waa-waa" and I was sold.  You were a mermaid on your second Halloween.

 

Tonight was your third Halloween.  What you really wanted to be was a "lina."  We assumed you meant a ballerina but you threw a tantrum and included the words "wings" and "fly-fly."  It took us some time to realize you wanted to be Thumbelina.  Here's where my apology comes.  I am so sorry that you are the third child born into a house full of costumes purchased at discounted rates the days following Halloween.  On your third Halloween you were a hand-me-down princess for your school party, a mermaid (using last year's garage sale costume) for our neighborhood house party, a cheerleader in the costume meant as a gift for Lola's third Christmas from Uncle Mike that you wore for a local harvest festival....

 

h

 

and a last minute "cat" on official Halloween day, after pulling out this size 6 unitard from the trunk of endless dress-up clothes proclaiming it was yours.

h1

 

You smiled as I used a washable marker to draw whiskers on your chubby cheeks and meowed on all fours before leaving for the evening.  I hope, in the future, you see past that fact that the costumes were rolled up three times to fit your small frame and see the smiles that came so easily for you.   And I promise, from here on out, that all the mismatched clothing I conned you into wearing using reverse phycology will result into one rocking wedding dress purchased from the fashion runways of France and/or a slightly used pony from Pennsylvania.

 

Or both, a wedding dress from France while riding a slightly used pony from Pennsylvania. Whatever you want. You name it, it's yours. 

 

Forever and ever yours,

Mama
Posted by anbu at 5:53 PM 0 comments

Friday, October 30, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

Burns MORE calories than a 60 minute run.

Posted: 29 Oct 2009 10:00 PM PDT

Exactly one year ago, I posted my very first "exercise" video online for the world to see. Since then I have spent a whole lot of dollars on a high intensity fat-burning/toning class with my trainer Mark. It has been worth every penny because I am not self motivated in the exercising department and desperately need someone to push me. I look forward to the "me" time when I can focus on just that. Me.

 

But not everyone has the funds or the time to selfishly invest in themselves.

 

I am here to tell you that the statement above is false.

 

What I am about to share with you, my friends, is a two minute dumbbell exercise that you repeat three times. When done correctly with a heavy dumbbell or a gallon of milk (I used a 25 lbs dumbbell) with an experienced trainer by your side, your six minutes of dumbbell exercises will burn more calories than one hour on the treadmill. It will get your heart pumping and leave you breathless. This dumbbell matrix is what I end my workouts with each day. Every single one of you reading this has 6 minutes in their day and an empty gallon of milk you can fill with sand.... so behold, I demonstrate to you, what cost me a whole lot of dollars to learn:

 

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Here it is in snail form:

 

1. Dumbbell thrusters X 5

2. Dumbbell push to press, squat X 5

3. Row X 5

4. Push press X 5

5. Row (alt arm) X 5

6. Push press (alt arm) X 5

7. Cork screw X 5

8. Cork screw (alt side) X 5

 

Repeat three times. Allow yourself a one minute break in between. A six minute workout that, when done under the supervision and guidance of an experienced trainer, will burn more than a 60 minute run. Or you can wing it yourself and sign off on any injuries you might occur because I told you that you need a trainer next to you. It's perfect for those of you that want to shape and tone your arms. If you are in the Cleveland area and want an incredible one hour workout that will burn calories for 24 hours you can contact markaderry at yahoo dot com and tell him OHmommy sent you.

 

Next week on classy chaos:  the barbell exercises.

 

FTC disclosure:

I have not been paid or given anything in exchange for this post.

I'm simply sharing my knowledge with you, my friends, and the FTC and suck my big sweaty toe.
Posted by anbu at 5:24 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

Whoever said 30s were awesome, obviously lied.

Posted: 27 Oct 2009 10:00 PM PDT

Many people say that their 30s were great because they finally felt comfortable with themselves. They "discovered" who they were. Namaste!

 

But Hello? At 32. The only thing I am discovering is that I am aging. R.A.P.I.D.L.Y. And not so gracefully.

 

Take today for example. The mother in the Lexus behind me in the school pick-up line religiously honked at me, as I dumbfounded on the verge of proclaiming my own religion, discovered my first gray eyebrow hair. Jesus. Mary. Joseph. When I saw that stubborn, lonesome, good for nothing, piece of crap staring back at me in my rear view mirror I screamed and ripped her out of line. And now, I have an irregular shaped eyebrow. Tell me I am not the only 30-something-year-old woman to carry around emergency tweezers in her handbag prepared for the occasional stubborn hair folical to pop up. I spent the entire evening googling "organic eyebrow hair dyes for aging women."

 

And last week I missed my Monday workout which meant I went four days without exercising and obviously my metabolism got the memo of the vacay and I gained five pounds. So yesterday at the gym while squatting down, a mere twelve inches away from the floor, with a 95 pound barbell laying across my shoulders I was thinking "THIS just sucks." Up and down, up and down, up and down my ass met the ground. "Ass. To. The. Ground!" My trainer screamed. "Squeeeeeze that butt." Eight times in a row. Five times repeated. 40 times of squatting with 95 pounds and that was only one station of the rotation. I bit my lip and sucked it up; because, I'm just not ready to give into the aging metabolism. I am no longer the youngest mom at preschool pick-up anymore but I am always the sweatiest one. At least I have a cute bicep when I pick up my daughter and happily observe the younger moms snacking on their Starbucks muffins in their track suits after a "run" on the treadmill in the gym. I want to ruin all their happiness for them by proclaiming, "You will be a sweaty-out-of-breath-with-one-lonesome-gray-eyebrow-hair mom, one day too!"

 

But I don't. Instead I casually sweep the bangs across my forehead to hide the wrinkles I discovered on my 30th birthday and exchange some pleasant pre-school pick-up conversation. "Your Suzy is so confident, you must be proud."

 

The only thing I have discovered two years into my 30s is that bitter is the new black. Bitter that I am gray. Bitter that I need to work out.  Bitter that I'm aging and no longer twenty-one.  Oh. My. Gosh.  I have finally turned into that mom. That mom that no one talks to at pick-up because she's kind-of-old and sweating in a discounted Target track suit, left outside of any future play-dates. Gah.  I am old.
Posted by anbu at 6:42 PM 0 comments

Monday, October 26, 2009

Classy Chaos

Classy Chaos

The secret to a good party...

Posted: 25 Oct 2009 10:00 PM PDT

Last year nearly a gazillion people filled our home for our annual Halloween party.

 

What first started out as a small family gathering on the weekend before Halloween to show-case adorable infant costumes has turned into a rocking bash that the kids look forward to.  Each year we happily accumulate more and more friends and this year we had to either rent a hall or scale it down.  What a delightful dilemma to have, in life.

 

This year I kept it simple.  I didn't fret over matching plates with napkins.  Or worry about finding the right DJ.  I left the treat bags undecorated.  I hardly lost sleep over limiting the guest list to neighbors.  And I hastily threw my costume together the day before.  I almost didn't recognize the obsessive-compulsive person that I truly am.

hhalloween

 

I realized that the only thing necessary for a good party is a good mood.

 

The scent of my husband's chili bubbling on the stove top made my mouth water.  The pink ipod with a new play list created by Lola and I put an extra spring in my step.  The indecisive toddler with three hand-me-down costume changes made my eyes smile.  The bag of gum Jay paid for with his own money for a contest warmed my heart.

 

The mood was set hours before the first guest arrived.

hhalloween1

 

It was an awesome party!  SO awesome that the kids want to make it a monthly tradition of inviting people over.  I think they might have stumbled across the secret to a happy life.
Posted by anbu at 5:52 PM 0 comments
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